Blogger Notes

When I was 16 or so I used to drive my dad's mustang when he was feeling nice enough to let me take it, a cute little red hatchback that I was in love with. One day I had the car for the day and wanted to go do something…anything.  It had been raining all week and the sun was finally out so I picked up my boyfriend's best bud and we went for a drive.  We drove down this really long road that they had just finished in town. It was a so new….there weren't even speed limit signs up yet.  I decided to see how fast we could go….I don't even remember how fast I got the car going….but I remember I totally freaked Jeff out when all the sudden I did a 360 in that car (not on purpose).  Now I know we were lucky we didn't wreck and/or worse but back then it was kind of an on-switch to my rebellious cycle of life….hence the bungee jumping and general craziness hat followed that day way back when.

Now here I am in my mid 30's and I find myself a totally different kind of driver.  Now don't get me wrong I've always been a great driver. It's just that I find myself much more cautious now, especially when I have precious cargo.  I'm more aware and worried about the drivers around me and I am almost obsessive about checking for other cars before I change lanes and what not.  I find myself a bit more leery when my daughter is driving as well because while she really is turning into a good driver, she reminds me way too much of myself at her age.

Today when I was driving my son to daycare I found myself wondering when I became that person who plays life safe. It's not just driving though….it's infected other areas of my life too. This weekend I went out with a girlfriend of mine and she talked some about her younger life and the risks she took….still takes from time to time.  It made me feel so sheltered.  I'm sure being a single/solo mom and having a special needs kiddo has something to do with my "play it safe" view on life right now too but I'm not sure when it all changed.  When did I go from the chick who would try/do just about anything to the one who worried about the affect of those actions on the people in my life before I even consider trying something new?  And do I want to change it?

I don't want either of my children to be scared to experience life and become independent.  I want them to hold on with both hands but enjoy the ride like I did at their age but I find myself controlling more then maybe I should in their lives.  I'm trying to take some steps back and really let them take control of the reins a bit more.  Harder to do with the male child but I'm trying.  I mean at some point I have to let go right???

You know my ex always told me I was too controlling.  I know he meant it a bit differently since I don't tend to really control those around me but maybe it wouldn't hurt to lose a little control here and there, huh?

**~Gabi~**

Yeah, I know I said I'd get better at this and well…I probably will at some point…. before I am 90.  Ha!   I've been at the new job for about three weeks or so now and I love it.  The patient population is exactly what I was looking for…..lots of cardiac and a touch of everything else. From what I am seeing with my old classmates…I am most definitely one of the lucky ones.  Jobs scarce right now.  Anyway, the unit keeps me on my toes and really thinking which I love.  The staff is pretty good too.  A couple nurses with attitudes but all in all really super nice people….a few of them even come looking for me when new things happen so I can watch/help/do. J

 

My hours have been a little crazy.  I'm supposedly 40% on the unit but working 40+ hours a week.  The $$$ will be nice, especially since my loans will be coming due pretty quick here.  But I miss the kids, and I feel a little out of the loop here and there.  Don't get me wrong my parents have been a godsend when it comes to taking care of the boy child.  I know he is in good and capable hands….that will keep him on his schedule and make sure he gets his meds/treatments. It's really the only reason I have been able to focus on the new job so easily I'm sure.  It's just that I have been taking care of the kiddo for so long it's been really hard to let go.  His father was/is always a disappointment in that area even while we were married but more so now…not watching for bleeds, not giving his medications at the scheduled times, not willing to deal with the injections…and then the "pre-diabetes"  came up and changes made to his diet that his father just wasn't willing to be consistent on.  Sometimes that makes me thankful he moved away and I don't have to worry about it so much anymore….although it's still sad for the kiddo.

 

But my parents….they are a different story.  They understand what even minor changes to his schedule or diet can/will do to him….not just medically but the adjustment to transitioning too.  I thank God for knowing just what he was doing by giving me such a supportive family. J  And the kid is just absolutely thriving!!!  Honestly!!!  He watches that schedule and knows who is going to take care of him before school each day and just seems to have settled into it like it's nothing major.  I never would have been able to make this leap without them….especially after my ex bailed on the kids.  I think some of this success is just because he really needs to have some kind of guy connection on a consistent basis…and now he has that with my dad.  I couldn't ask for a better role model for him either!!

 

I'm still not 100% sure this day/night rotation is going to work for me though.  I'm already exhausted working days and my body is just adjusting to the early mornings….I'm not sure what it'll do when I switch over to night hours in December.  If you are reading this, I suggest you buy stock in RedBull.  Pretty sure their sales will be soaring at the end of the year ha ha!   Thank goodness for the college daughter too.  She has been a big help but man do I need to get her a car in a BAADDD way.  Hmmmm….maybe I am looking at that wrong…..maybe I need to get ME a new car. That sounds so much better.   

(Man- I just re-read this and my family sounds so WONDERFUL!!!  Doesn't it??)

Welp- I better get a few things done and call it a night. 

Live~Laugh~Love Ya'll!!