It’s been a really long few months around here. My daughter is winding up her first year of college. We’ve had disagreements about summer classes and her choice of summer jobs but all in all things with her go smoothly. My son is a different story. I’m at a loss as to how to get him to open his eyes and see the big picture. His vision is so tunneled and streamlined. He so stubborn too and honestly for a kid who has so many people in his life (mostly women) who sacrifice each and every day so that he can have all that he needs to succeed….he just really shows a lack of respect not only for others but for himself. You know he’ll be 17 next month and I am still cleaning dirty underwear, still paying almost $500 a month in after school daycare and still having to arrange for someone to be with him 24/7. I’m tired, my daughter is tired and my unbelievable parents are tired. But do you know who isn’t tired of it??? His father! Yeah….he doesn’t pay any of those bills, or do all the laundry, or listen to his child talk back and yell at everyone around him. I realize that I really need and deserve a break….we all do. And not just a night off here and there. I want a vacation from my son. How horrible of a mom does that make me?
So, last night I did something I thought I would never even consider. I called my ex and asked him to take our son for most of the summer. Surprisingly, he said he would. I explained that I thought he needed some guy time and that those of us caring for him day in and day out really needed a break. I asked him to take him for a little over 5 weeks….he offered to take him longer. WOW! It’s scary for me to just hand him over to his father. I mean, what if something happens to him medically, what if he gets a bleed….what if he has issues with his heart? What if his father decides to let him drink alcohol again? So many things I’m worried about….so many things that could happen. But honestly, the kid will be a junior next year and 17 years old this summer. At some point I need to let go and let him try. I know his dad won’t supervise him the way he is supervised here. I know his dad has no clue just how much trouble our son can get into and cause. I know he doesn’t really believe that this kid steals and lies without hesitation. I know he tells everyone how perfect the kid is….and I know better than my ex does what kind of shock he is in for by having our son for more than just a Disneyland dad weekend.
I really hope I am making the right decision here. I am looking forward to not worrying about what the kid is doing, getting into, etc. I’m looking forward to not having my summer revolve around trying make sure he has a ride, a lunch, and organizing his schedule so that there isn’t so much free time for him to get into trouble. I’m really looking forward to NOT having to come up with almost $1000 a month for daycare and I’m kind of looking forward to being able to make plans and do what I want instead of always having him to worry about.
It’s funny because every time I talk to a parent that doesn’t have custody of their kid….who get weekends here and there or who lives so far away that they seldom get to talk to their kids. I wonder how they stand having that distance and not being involved in their kids’ lives….but being a single parent to a special needs kid is really hard….I’m just not sure I have it in me anymore. I keep waiting for it to click for him to want to grow up….be a little more responsible and I just wonder if he ever will.
So I took the summer off….from being mom….
